When you envision your wedding, do you think about the angelic children that will play the roles of flower girl and ring bearer? You may think about how cute they'll be in their miniature formal wear, walking down the aisle to the ooohs and aaahs of the wedding guests. That's the dream and with enough time, understanding, and preparation that dream can become a reality.

Generally wedding books and wedding coordinators say children four and older can manage the responsibility of being a member of the wedding party; however it depends more on the child's maturity level and attention span. "When selecting children to be in your wedding, the most important thing is to really know the child," explained Katie Fechter, owner of Details Event Coordinators. "If the child is too young to understand and remember directions or too shy to be the center of attention, it's better to leave them out of the wedding party."

If you do have children that you want in your wedding, you need to prepare them and their parents for their roles. "I give the parents a video of a wedding with children in it to watch at home," said Carol House, of Ambiance Wedding Services By Carol. "That way the parent and child can see what little ones do in weddings and they can talk about what will be expected of the child when the big day arrives."

Both Katie and Carol agree that rehearsal is extremely important. In addition to inviting the children to the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, Carol suggests that the parent and child attend the church where the wedding is going to take place on a Sunday during services. "The parent and child should wait until the church is almost full and then walk down the aisle and sit approximately where the child will sit on the day of the wedding," Carol explained. "That way the child will get a real-life sense of what walking down the aisle will feel like when the church is full. And don't forget to let the videographer know that you're having children in the wedding party," reminded Carol. "Children are generally shorter than the pews, so the videographer will need to set the camera in a place where he or she can get a good shot of the flower girl and ring bearer as they walk down the aisle."

Another way to make the child feel more comfortable is to get them involved early so they can get to know the other children and grown-ups in the wedding party before the event. That's what Whitney Langas and her husband did. "We invited our two ring bearers and two flower girls to the engagement party, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and other pre-wedding events so that on the wedding day they wouldn't be terrified of all of the new people in the wedding party," Whitney said. "On the day of the wedding, the kids also got ready with the wedding party which made them feel like grown up ladies and gentlemen and made the experience more memorable for them."

Traditional tuxedos and miniature formal gowns are adorable, but if they aren't fitted properly the kids will be uncomfortable and tug on their clothing all day. A good rule of thumb is to have the children try on the clothing when they pick it up to make sure everything fits properly and that all the pieces are there. Another option is to have the children wear less traditional clothing. Little boys look cute in shorts with knee socks or a dark colored suit. Girls can wear shorter dresses that complement the bridesmaids' formal gowns. Or, sailor-type suits look great on both boys and girls. Make sure the children's shoes fit properly so the child won't be uncomfortable or accidentally stumble or trip.

Headpieces are another important detail. "Make sure the flower girl has a chance to try on a sample headpiece before the wedding, especially if the headpiece is made from real flowers." Carol explained. "Check with the parents to find out about any allergies."

Traditionally, flower girls drop petals as they walk down the aisle but many churches have banned that practice. Carol offered several cute alternatives. "Many brides choose a special bouquet or basket of flowers for the flower girl," Carol said. "The flower girl could pass a daisy to each woman seated on the aisle or carry a battery operated candle with flowers around it."

Ring bearer pillows are widely available from florists or bridal shops, however some little boys may be uncomfortable carrying a frilly pillow. One alternative is tying the rings with ribbon to a bible. Katie has another creative solution. "The ring bearer can carry the rings in a small silver jewelry box," she explained. "Inside of the box, the rings are tied together with a ribbon." Before the wedding, the bride will need to decide if she wants to keep the pillow or box or if she'll give it to the ring bearer as a gift.

The parents of the children can play an important role and relieve anxiety on the big day. They should talk with their children about what to expect on the day of the wedding and discuss any fears they may have. Both wedding coordinators agree that one parent should stand with the child at the back of the church before the wedding while the other is seated in the pew where the child will end up. It's also good idea to have a quiet toy or goody bag filled with age appropriate activities in the pew when the child gets there. This serves two purposes; it keeps the child occupied during the ceremony and acts as a reward for a job well done.

As with any member of the wedding party, a thank-you gift should be selected for the ring bearer and flower girl. Depending on the child's age, a toy makes a wonderful gift -- especially if it's something they can play with quietly during the ceremony. Don't forget that little girls love jewelry. Consider giving the flower girl a locket with a sample of their dress fabric enclosed or jewelry that matches that of the other bridesmaids.

After you've made preparations for children in the wedding party, you'll need to make plans for children who are attending your wedding with their parents. While pre-teens and teenagers can sit still during a wedding ceremony, younger kids have a more difficult time. Having childcare available at the church allows your guests to enjoy the ceremony knowing that their kids are being taken care of in an on-site nursery or Sunday school room.

At the reception, a separate room can be set up for the kids so they can have their own special dinner and party. "My sister-in-law called the parents of children invited to our wedding to find out what the children's needs were," Whitney said. "During the cocktail reception, the kids were in a separate room filled with plenty of toys for all ages, crayons, gift bags, movies, kiddie cocktails, child-friendly meals and a magician," she explained. "The kids loved having their own child-sized party."

Safety is important when having a separate party for kids during the reception. "At our reception, the parents had to sign their children into the room and the child wore a bracelet with the parent's name, table number and cell phone number on it," Whitney explained. "We had one baby sitter for every two children, which made the parents feel very comfortable and allowed them to enjoy themselves during the reception. Once dinner was over, the kids were invited into the formal reception area for dancing."

If you don't have the space or budget for a separate party for the kids, there are ways to make your reception more child friendly. "Order children's plates so parents won't have to worry about the menu and provide goodie bags with toys that kids can play with at the table," Katie recommended. "Consider having the child's grandparent or babysitter at the reception to take the child home when they get tired."

After all of the planning and preparation to make your wedding fun for guests of all ages, you should be prepared to expect the unexpected. A ring bearer or flower girl may get scared at the last minute and decide they're not going to walk down the aisle. Make sure the child and his or her parent know he or she can back out of the wedding if it's too scary. This relieves pressure on the bride, the children, and the parents. After all, kids will be kids.

This article was contributed by Saint Louis Bride Magazine. If you have questions or comments about this article, please email their editor at nancy.slade@wheremagazine.com.